I lost count of times..

I lost count of times, wherein I think of you. Lost count of times wherein I asked myself whether I should chase after you or just let you go. Lost count of times wherein I tell myself that I'll get through this excruciating pain.

Ay emo.


Hahaha. I don't want to feel this pain anymore. I can't succumb the pain. Haha. Pwedeng maging numb ng 1 year. Ewan. Watching everything to just fall right before my eyes. Sad no? But if it's bound to happen. If I really can't do anything about it.

Accepting is hard. It's way more harder than anyone thought it will ever be. Waking up every morning, not knowing whether to move on or hope that you'll come back. Waking up every morning, feeling the same pain. Over and over and over and over again.

I don't know if I should just feel and enjoy the pain. Just feel until it hurts no more.

Seriously, how can you move on?  How do you move on?

It's not as easy as counting 1,2,3. Building all these defences up, then one person will try to break it down. You allowed them to go inside you. You opened up your soul, thinking and trusting them that they won't ruin you. But then again, life's a bitch, so the person who build you up, broke your defences down, opted to let go of you. Just like that. And you tried your best to cling in to them. To hold on to them. But the next thing you know, you're not holding on to anything or anyone anymore. Next thing you know all you have is you yourself.

So how are you going to be able to move on? When a person gave you so much to hold on to? So many memories to hold on to? How could you look forward to the day where you will meet that one person who will make you happy? When you've already tasted the peak of happiness on that person?

Funny how you thought you know him just because you've been together for so long. Funny how you thought he couldn't hurt you as you saw how he took care of you and loved you when you were at your worst. But ironically, the person who you thought will not hurt you, they're the one who's gonna hurt you the most. Sucks but that's life.

So maybe, just maybe one day. I'll find a way out in this crazy maze. There's no easy way out. But maybe the time will come where all this pain will be worth it. Someday, somehow, I'll find my silver lining.