...

Some days were better, and some days were harder.

There are days when you just cannot succumb the pain. Where you ask yourself,  "saan ba ko nag kulang" or "Was I too ugly enough?" Or maybe, just maybe I wasn't the peson he was looking for. That maybe, just maybe, some things are bound to happen. And it just happened that our relationship was bound to end. Or maybe not.

There are times where I just want to give up. To stop chasing because I'm to afraid that maybe I'm just chasing over the wrong thing, the wrong person. Sometimes I ask myself kung may pinaglalaban pa ba ko e? Then, there are times when I'm this close to stepping in to that thin thin line of giving up. But then he's going to message or call me.

Tangina. Isang tawag or text okay na ko e. But then again, I ask myself, do I deserve this? Am I really supposed to chase him? To settle for less than what I deserve? To accept all the things that's happening right now? Or gigive up na lang ba ko?

I have a lot of questions in my head but I do not know where or how to get the answers. There are a lot of what ifs, what nots, I should have and I shouldn't haves. But amidst all these thoughts and emotions, what's really surfacing is the love that I'm feeling.

Yung kahit ang sakit sakit na, sige na lang. Okay na lang. I know that there are a lot of guys around there who would do so much better. But it's really hard to look forward to that "someone better" if you've already tasted what perfection feels like to a certain person.

For the past three years of my life, I know I was not a perfect girlfriend. I know that I have my ups and downs. Many times, I stumbled and fall. But with his helping hand and his loving arms, I was able to man enough and stand up. I know that I did a lot of things and there are things that  I wasn't able to do. And that he could've opted to leave me but instead he fought for me.

So am I going to give up everything just like that? Or am I still going to fight for this?

To be honest I really don't know. Yes, he's worth it. I've known him for so long. I know his abilities and capabilities. I know that there are a lot of girls who would ask someone like him. But what I do not know is that if I'm really really really ready and willing to feel the excruciating pain.

Kasi ngayon pa nga lang, yung nararamdaman ko halos maloka na ko e. Paano pa sa future? Paano pa sa bigger struggles.

Sometimes, it's not just what he's doing, or him. Minsan ako din e. I'm not really used to feeling this kind of pain. Because all my life sanay ako na ako yung nangiiwan, or sanay akong mutual yung decision. Pero pakshet talaga e.


Maybe, just maybe, the girl was better than me. Or I don't know. I personally don't know the girl and I don't have any intentions or plan to know her. Bitter ko na ba? HUHUHUHUH. Tangina kasi e, kung san masikip dun sumisiksik e. Charot.

Ewan. I just really don't know what to do. And I just really don't know how to fight for him e kung humihingi din naman sya ng time na magkalayo kami. Sad nu?!

I just really don't know what to do. Jusko naman. Lord God, enlighten me! If I can't have him, just please PLEASE! Give him someone better.

Pero kung sila naman talaga magkakatuluyan, edi fine. Go. Good luck. Good job. Be happy! JESUS IS WITH US! Two weeks lang kayo, magbbreak din yan. Oha. Loljk.

Srsly, kung magiging sila, please lang sabihin nalang niya na hindi ako. Para di na ko nagaantay ng parang gago dito. Kung hindi ako, please hayaan niya na kong mag move on. Wag niya na kong guluhin. Hayaan na lang niya kong matutunan kung paano ko mapapasaya yung sarili ko.

Pleaseeeeee, mahal ko siya pero tangina kung ipagpapalit niya lang ako. PLEASE LANG STAY AWAY FROM ME! HUHUHUHUHUHU. We can be friends but not NOW. NOT NEXT YEAR. NOT THIS YEAR. NOT ANY TIME SOON.

At last na, kung hindi man lang talaga. Please sana yung next boyfriend ko wag MARINO, taga NYK at KARL yung pangalan. Please lang. Trauma na. Tama na.