Day 3: Group Dynamics/BSPSY4-A's Christmas Party/Ayala Triangle

So today's our exam in Group Dynamics. Pero it's not a written exam, eto yung exam na super fun because we were playing games.

Before the Group Dynamics class started. Nagopen up ako kay Elyca about sa problem namin ni Karl. Ayoko pa sanang sabihin sa kanila, yun nga kasi nahihirapan akong iexplain, and I don't want Karl to look like the bad guy.

After namin magusap, pumasok na kami kasi Group Dy na. I had so much fun because I was able to bond with other 4As. First game was yung cups gagawan mo ng tower. Basta ganun ang hirap iexplain. Pero enjoy. Tapos sigaw kami ng sigaw. Especially ako kasi sobrang ewan ko lang? Nakakatense e. Paunahan pa. Second game was yung sa balloon echos. Sobrang funny uli. Ang sakit ng tummy ko kakatawa. Yung pinakalast yung kila Mae. Sobrang interesting and fun din. So first isa isa kami magsasalita. And may box. Ganito yung sinabi ko yung first

Ang kahon na ito ay nirerepresenta ako at pupunuin ko to ng: "genuine happiness" kasi hindi ko mapapasaya yung ibang tao if hindi ko kayang pasayahin yung sarili ko. Higit sa lahat pupunuin ko to ng "love." #MedjoHugot.

Ang kahon na ito ay nirerepresenta ako sa grupo bilang: Actually hindi ko alam guys, kasi yung friendship namin ngayon it's not that strong anymore. Siguro ako lang yung madaldal samin. More like ako yung nagsasabi ng problema sa kanila. Sa 4A, ganun din eepal epal. Ingay ganon. Hahaha.

Medjo hugot talaga yung first kasi yun yung naramdaman kong ilagay sa sarili ko. Like, I wanted to be genuinely happy! And I know one day, I'll be able to have the genuine happiness that I've always wanted :)

After the class we were supposed to have our Christmas Party pero we waited for 1 hour pa kasi our room wasn't available yet. Tas kinausap ko si Robey. Umiyak nanaman ako. Grabe, proud pa naman ako sa sarili ko kahapon because I didn't shed a tear. Pero pakshet na malagkit. Umiyak ako!!! HUHUHU.

After that, we had our Christmas Party. Super saya din kasi I was able to bond with other 4As uli. Nung una, kainan muna. Then nagpatugtog kami. Medjo party party. Picture picture. Tapos nagplay yung "Ever After." E kinakanta ko, tapos kinakanta din ni Apol. Nilapitan ko si Bianca, sabi ko:

Me: "theme song namin yan ni apol"
Bianca: kuya Apol, kuya Apol
Me: Tangina mo Bianca staaahp!!!!!

CESSY <3

Kim and my gift to him! Look how happy he was!

Andeng, Bianca the bully and I, the pretty!!! Hahaha

Tapos nakakalong ako kay Bianca non. Tapos umupo si Robey sakin then si Elyca. Tapos trinap na ko ni Bianca tas tinatawag na niya si apol. Hanggang sa lumapit si apol and sinabi niya na "Kuya Apol, theme song niyo daw ni Right yan?" Tangina medjo awkward pero ang funny e. Hahahahaha. Gago kasi to si Bianca.

First College Barkada 

After nun pinatugtog ko yung Latch and everyone went craycray!!!!As in kumakanta kaming lahat, dancing and jumping our hearts out! Hahahahaha. Then dapat may game kaso lahat nanawa na because of group dynamics so nag paraffle nalang nung mga prizes dapat for the game. Sobrang gusto ko talaga yung PLANNER. Kaso waley eh. Hahah. After nun, bigayan na ng gifts. Sobrang happy ako kasi si Cessy na nakabunot sakin binigyan ako ng calligraphy pen. E gusto ko yun kasi mas napapadali buhay ko. Charot! De kasi gusto ko talaga matuto mag calligraphy e. Afterwards, binigay ko din kay Kim yung gift ko sa kanyang mug. Super natuwa talaga siya and natuwa ako kasi nakita ko yung JOY sa mukha niya. Hehehe.

After exchange gift, and pagpapapicture, inaya ako mag Ayala T nila Elyca. Nung una ayoko kasi wala ako sa mood. Kaso gusto ko din sila makasama kasi ayoko lang din naman magmukmok dito sa condo. So ayun, tapos kinwento ko na din kay Nikki lahat. And I told them na sana wag sasama yung tingin nila kay Karl. Medjo cry cry nanaman ako. Hahaha. Tapos while we were talking, biglang nagulat ako kasi andun na si Karl sa loob ng kwarto. Buti kakatapos ko lang umiyak and sabi ni Nikki na tumatawa na daw ako.

Ayun, after nun lumabas si Karl. Gusto ko talaga siyang ihug, ikiss. Ganun, kaso ewan ko something is stopping to do that. Pero eventually naghug din naman kami. Ayun nagusap kami. Pero more like nirerealtalk ko nanaman siya. Tapos after nun, medjo nagusap nanaman kami ng maayos and as usual umiyak nanaman ako. Ayoko talagang umiyak sa harap niya kasi ayokong maawa siya kaso wala e.

After nun umalis na kami pa-Ayala T. Nung andun kami sa Ayala Triangle, I'm fighting the urge to cry. Kasi sobrang naluulngkot ako. Gusto ko lang talaga na ako pupunta mag-isa dun but I ended up going there with Karl. Tapos sinamahan ko sila kumain sa McDo ni DQ kasi gutom na sila. E sakto nagstart na yung Ayala T nung andun kami sa McDo. Tapos after mageat, at nagyoyosi kame. Nagstart nanaman yung Ayala T. lights. E pag dating namin sa mismong Ayala Triangle, tapos na yung lights so nagpicture kaming SS girls. Tapos ayoko pa sana magpapicture kay Karl kasi baka ayaw niya. So tinanong ko siya kung gusto ba niya. Tapos nagpapicture kame. Tapos medjo sweet sweet kame onti sa Ayala Triangle. Naghuhug and kiss and holding hands and all the stuff we do.

After nun umuwi na ako. Una pinipilit ko si Karl to come home with me kaso ayaw niya kasi nahihiya siya sakin. SAbi ko, nung ako naman ginawa ko sayo yan, hindi ko ininda yung hiyang naramdaman ko. Humarap ako sa parents mo diba?

Ayun pero wala e, ayaw niya. So I ended up going home sad and alone. Tapos nung una nagtampo ako pero eventually nagtext ako and I said sorry for forcing him to come home. And kung gusto niya pa rin mag overnight sa Thursday okay lang sakin. Tapos nagthank you din ako. Tapos bigla siyang tumawag and told me to wait for him sa baba ng condo kasi sa condo siya magsstay. I was so happy talaga! Pero in a way medjo nakokonsensya ako.

Pag dating namin dito sa condo and nung medjo nakapagpahinga na onti, I gave him the box na ginagawa ko dati pa. Pero hindi pa tapos. It consist of motivational stuff, sweet quotes and others. Super natuwa ako kasi sabi niya na nakakamotivate daw and natuwa daw siya.

Tapos nun, nung nakahiga na kami I looked him in the eyes and we had this conversation:

Me: Diba, sabi mo kaya ka pumunta dito kasi gusto mong linawin yung mga bagay na hindi malinaw sakin? Ngayon gusto kong malaman kung ano ba tayo ngayon? Ano bang status natin ngayon?

Tapos hindi siya makasagot. Tas nakatingin siya sakin and naiiyak siya.

Me: Sagutin mo. Kasi  gusto ko lang malaman para malinaw sakin.
Karl: Wala na. *cries*

Tapos ayun di siya nagsasalita. Umiiyak lang siya. Tapos I gave him some advice. I shared to him na kung ano ako nung nasa situation niya ako. Sabi ko sa kanya na natural lang yan. Alam ko na pagod na siya and nahihirapan na siya magdecide. I told him na nung ako sa kanila ni Apol, I had a gut feeling na siya talaga pero I chose Apol because there's something na naghohold back sakin to choose  Karl. Tapos I told him that bumalik ako sa kanya because I saw kung ano yung magiging buhay ko with Apol, not only that I felt that it was really him. Na nung mga times na kasama ko si Apol siya pa din yung iniisip ko. Siya pa din yung naalala ko. And nung time na nagPM siya sakin, I told him na gustong gusto ko ng bumalik but I decided not to kasi baka nga nafefeel ko lang to kasi baka namimiss ko lang siya or sa una lang kasi di din naman biro yung 3 years na pinagdaanan namin. Tapos sabi ko na triny ko maging masaya kay Apol. But I ended thinking of him all the time. That's why I decided to come back. Sabi ko na, okay lang yung nararamdaman niya. Na alam kong mahirap. Wala namang mali sa pagmamahal. Kasi nagmahal ka lang. Hindi natin madidiktahan yung puso natin kung sino ba yung mamahalin natin and kung sino yung hindi. Sabi ko na andito ako sa kanya as a best friend and I'm not in front of him as a lover. I told him na kaya niya lahat ng to and he will be happy.

Sinabi ko din na he doesn't need to be hard on himself. Kasi di lang naman siya yung may choice. The girl and I have our choice to leave or to stay. But we opted to stay because we really love him. Kami yung may choice na mas masaktan. And that he shouldn't put the blame in him.

When I told him that, I was not biased. I shared to him how I really felt back when I was in his situation. Although medjo same yung nangyari samin medjo may differences din naman. Tapos ayun, we cuddled and slept together. It made me happy because we can still do stuff like this right now. Na amidst all the confusions, the pain and the struggles, ewan ko, pero nangingibabaw yung love?

I asked him kung gaano pa kaintense yung love niya sakin. He answered 9.2. I'm actually expecting for 5 or lower. Pero ayun, natuwa ako because yung love niya, although it's faltering, at least the intensity was still there.

All in all, I'm happy because I was able to be with him and spend the night with him. I'm happy because I was able to make him happy and show to him how much I love him. It made me more motivated to fight for our love that's faltering.

Ay sht. Muntikan ko na makalimutan. Sivan was asking me na dapat kami na lang daw, like temporary couple ganun. But I don't want that. Kasi super bait niya and he's really trying his best to make me smile and happy. Medjo nagwowork naman yung pagpapasmile niya. Pero I know deep down na hindi ko talaga kayang ibigay or ireciprocate yung feelings niya for me. I told him na I don't want to take him for granted. Ayokong maging rebound siya or whatever. Gusto ko kasi pag pumasok na ako sa relationship, yung ready na ako and yung kaya kong ibigay yung love na ibibigay sakin ng partner ko. May point naman ako diba?! HUHUHU. Hahahaha.