Should I delete this blog?
Cos every time I reread my entries here, it reminds me of how rude some people are.
Friday, August 7, 2015
Bothered
Months had already passed since it happened. But still, here I am stuck in this dark side of everything. I am still holding on to the past.
It's not that easy to let go. It isn't easy to forget either. Cos' not everyone knows how hard it was for me to forget it. A lot of people might think that I deserve to be treated that way cos' I did wrong. But isn't it justifying the wrong acts makes the other people wrong? Isn't it saying that someone deserves to be treated badly cos' they did others wrong makes you worst than the other person?
We all commit mistakes.
Sabi nga ''I DESERVE AN EXPLANATION"
Yet still, there are no valid reason, no concrete answers to my question. Maybe some questions are better left unanswered, maybe some thoughts are better left unsaid.
So maybe I'll just lock all these things beside me. And maybe I am just overthinking.
Wishful thinking
I am sort of jealous. envious.
I know it's so wrong in so many levels to feel envious and to feel jealous of someone. That instead of supporting them and feel happy that they are able to achieve and to fulfill their dreams, you feel that someone took your own place.
The things is, I would really love to be a doctor. It's a lifetime dream. I really want to study. How I would like and love to explore every single veins, roots, bones, organs, hormones, and parts of our body.
I feel like I am wasting my time being in this industry. Maybe the reason why I am not enjoying my stay here, why I am not growing and succeeding is that it's not really the field where I wanted to be. Maybe I am really for medical field.
And how my ego and my confidence is really at its lowest point as I can't even succeed, meet the targets and meet the expectation around me.
A lot of people are telling me that I am really lucky to find a job a week or weeks after graduation. Yes, I am grateful. Really. I am really thankful that I was given an opportunity to have a job, to be on a probationary status and to earn money.
How I wish my dad was not terminated with his job. How I wish the company wasn't sold to any other company, and how I wish I passed the entrance exams, and entered the med school. But all of these are just my wishful thinking. All of these will just fade.
Maybe I am just going to grow old, unable to fulfill her dreams.
I know it's so wrong in so many levels to feel envious and to feel jealous of someone. That instead of supporting them and feel happy that they are able to achieve and to fulfill their dreams, you feel that someone took your own place.
The things is, I would really love to be a doctor. It's a lifetime dream. I really want to study. How I would like and love to explore every single veins, roots, bones, organs, hormones, and parts of our body.
I feel like I am wasting my time being in this industry. Maybe the reason why I am not enjoying my stay here, why I am not growing and succeeding is that it's not really the field where I wanted to be. Maybe I am really for medical field.
And how my ego and my confidence is really at its lowest point as I can't even succeed, meet the targets and meet the expectation around me.
A lot of people are telling me that I am really lucky to find a job a week or weeks after graduation. Yes, I am grateful. Really. I am really thankful that I was given an opportunity to have a job, to be on a probationary status and to earn money.
How I wish my dad was not terminated with his job. How I wish the company wasn't sold to any other company, and how I wish I passed the entrance exams, and entered the med school. But all of these are just my wishful thinking. All of these will just fade.
Maybe I am just going to grow old, unable to fulfill her dreams.
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