'Tis the Season to be Jolly

Please don't get me wrong with this post. 

I've always been a fan of Christmas Season. For once, it's the season or the time of the year where everyone is really generous, it's the time of the year where everyone gets to fix/settle their problems, it's the time of the year where families bond with each other, it's the time of the year where everyone are united. To sum it up, it's the time of the year where everyone are giving not only material gifts but giving joy and love to each other.

Aside from that I really really love the weather during this season because I get to use my favorite sweater and just sip my hot choco and read or binge watch movies. Well that's how things used to be back when I was in Saudi Arabia.  But still, before, I still had fun celebrating Christmas even when I'm here in the Philippines because of our Christmas Party.

However, last year's Christmas Season was the worst. I just had the saddest and depressing Christmas Season last year. Of course it was because my Karl and I broke up. Imagine ending a three year long relationship a few days before Christmas (December 22!). And imagine feeling so anxious and all stressed out because they saw a lump in my mom's breast and it wasn't until December 29 when they found out that it was not cancerous (THANK LORD!)

I was really having a hard time last year. And I still am on the road of recovery. Just last night, I had some (I dont know if that's how you'll call it) anxiety attack. I can't sleep, I can't breathe. I feel like my heart is being held so tight, so tight that it hurts. (DI TO OA PLEASE!) And I just felt like crying because everything starts flashing right before my eye. From the day when I felt like I'm only clinging on to a thin thread down to the darkest day. Like I can still clearly remember and feel how I felt a year ago.

So yup, I dont know why but ever since, even if we're okay now. Even if we've both talked about it already and fixed things up, I'm still having flashbacks. Grabe, I don't even want to feel and to think about it knowing na everything's fine between the three of us and all of us are good friends already.

I don't feel any anger every time I'm having those little flashbacks. All I can feel is pain.